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Don’t Regret Your Regrets

To regret deeply, is to live afresh. Henry Thoreauundo

Regret is a way of thinking, in which we blame ourselves for things that happened, or when we feel responsible for a decision that came out badly.  But lamenting things that occurred in the past is part of life, it’s a universal pastime, and this show is more about seeing regret as a reminder of things we can do better as opposed to things we believe we’ve done badly. It’s all about how you look at life really isn’t it.  Regret is an emotion, and we experience it when we think we could be happier now, had we done something differently in the past. Our writers to day are going to help us understand regret, like WS Merwin as he considers that some regrets haunt us more than others. Of the many studies and theories on the subject, it’s been found that regrets over things we didn’t do, persist longer than regrets over things we did. Mainly because, psychologically, when it comes to inaction, our mind’s are then free to imagine in limitless ways, what might have been, what we could have done and how it would all be playing out now in the present. Whereas if we had done something, then there is only one alternative to play with and that’s not having done it, so there’s less opportunity for regret.

We’ll consider where some regrets come from on a familial and marital level, with thoughts from Ann Truitt, who realised too late the necessity for complete honesty in marriage and in love.  Regret can feel so awful because it kind of implies we’re at fault in some way. With thoughts from Parker Palmer and Rumi we’ll consider the benefits of being reckless when it comes to affairs of the heart.

 

 

Life is full of choices. Some go well, others go badly wrong, and those that go wrong lead to regret. And as we’ve discussed, some regrets are worse than others. Doing things or not doing things that affect our own lives is bad enough but doing something that has a negative impact on somebody else’s life, is a difficult regret to live with. But we have to live with it, making peace with regret is essential to healthy living.
There’s some comfort in numbers though I think, knowing that there are millions more of us feeling the same level of regret, maybe worse, over education, career, marriage, kids, that hair-cut or dreadful tattoo, consoles me a little. Don’t get me wrong, I mean I torture myself with regrets about not staying in college longer, coming back to Ireland when I was doing well in Europe, I regret the things I say when the red mist comes down, (I have a terrible temper :)), the list is endless but in order for me to move forward, for us to move forward, we have to find ways of forgiving ourselves, having more compassion for ourselves and learning to welcome regret as we would joy or any other emotion, preferably without judgement. Accepting it as part of the human experience, which is easier said than done. American poet and novelist Charlie Smith, I believe, exemplifies this idea of embracing the negative, in his poem In Praise Of Regret.

 

The Pulitzer Prize winning poet, Galway Kinnell, reminds us of all we have to be thankful for. Reminds us of the importance of engaging with  the ordinary things in life. Despite the horrors of the world, the atrocities committed by us and to us, we are a blessed and fortunate people, living in and with the miracle of creation. In his poem, Why Regret? from his collection Strong Is Your Hold, he pretty much turns regret into gratitude.

 

You know, I’ve always believed that people who say they have no regrets are simply lying. If we’re living we’re regretting. And that’s okay, it’s possible that our regrets aren’t as bad as we think they are and they can be important teachers. Obviously we can’t change the past but we can change how it affects our present. Forgiveness is crucial. I guess instead of beating ourselves up about things beyond our control, we could recognize more the productive side of regret, improving ourselves and putting things right. And remember every moment is an opportunity for change, we can change our attitude, our thinking, we are free to begin again, in the words of Rumi “Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself.”

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain.

Music today from Midge Ure, Morrissey, Ben Lee, Yann Tiersan & more…

 

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Thought by WestWords

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.
– Henry David ThoreauThought

Hello again today we’re looking at poetry and music on the theme of THOUGHT. Understanding the processes and effects of thought has kept academics busy for centuries and we won’t distract them from their duties by  trying to solve the bigger philosophies of thought on this show, we’re just interested in what everyday people are thinking about. Today’s poets have a lot on their minds from the sublime to the ridiculous, Jane Hirshfield, is a poet I really admire because her work looks deeply into the inner world of the self and the emotions and her poems are almost like little prayers or meditations on the very nature of being. I had the happy pleasure of meeting her and poet laureate Kay Ryan on Eglinton Street in Galway at last years Cuirt Festival, two very friendly and open people more than happy to stop and chat for a moment. Her poem, My Doubt, as the title suggests is about those times in life when everything is thrown into question, when we’re uncertain of the world and our place in it, unsure of our path and our decisions and I suppose it’s something we all must learn to accept: that doubt will always be a part of the process of life.  Billy Collins makes some interesting designs out of some spilt salt on the table, and in doing so muses over the greater questions of life such as Time and how the moments that make it up shape our lives: people past and present, objects there and not there. It’s hard to resist isn’t it? Creating patterns in salt or sugar or even flour on the table and even more interesting to see where such a simple yet mindful endeavour can take you.  We go to another world entirely with Mark Bibbins (I loved the title of his last book –   They Don’t Kill You Because They’re Hungry, They Kill You Because They’re Full)  His poem, And You Thought You Were The Only One struck a cord because when I was younger I was afraid of the dark and would often imagine figures, both real and unearthly standing outside my door, actually I remember a scene from the 2007 Coen Brothers movie ‘No Country For Old Men’ where, in the dim light of the landing, one of the characters can see his killers’ silhouette pausing outside his hotel room door, gosh it‘s just so spooky, but anyway this poem brought up those nervous feelings, I guess there’s something more going on here that Bibbin’s is somehow reluctant to face head on but knows that in order to conquer the fear he needs to feel it.  Tim Dlugos was an American poet immersed in the Mass Transit poetry scene in Washington before he moved to New York in 1976.  He’s probably best remembered for the poems he wrote while hospitalized in G-9, the AIDS ward at Roosevelt Hospital in Manhattan, where he passed away in 1990 at only 40yrs old. We all have to-do lists of some kind or another, but Dlugos writes us a might-do list, which he dedicates to his friend Terry Winch. It’s kind of a snooping insight into his wonderful train of thought flitting from one thing to the next; life’s minutia sometimes taking all the concentration we can muster.  William Carlos Williams and Stephen Crane also feature plus music from Maurice Chevalier, Charlie Winston, Morrissey & Dustin O’Halloran.

 

 

 

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